We all express and feel love differently, and that can be problematic in relationships. As the School of Life points out, we often help and support our loved ones based on what we think they need rather than what they actually need in their moment of distress.
The video digs into the complexities of trying to comfort someone you care about. Sometimes all the person wants is for you to listen, and you offer solutions, rewards, or affections. Or maybe the person wants solutions, and all you can do is listen and offer sympathy. As The School of Life explains, it basically comes down to empathizing and understanding what the other person is feeling:
…An urgent task is therefore to try to understand the particular way in which we and our partner need love to be delivered in order to feel that it is real…love is a sheet of paper with a list of bullet points in your partner’s handwriting…it seems love can’t remain at the level of intentions alone. It must involve constant strenuous efforts to translate our wishes into interventions truly lined with a psychology and history of another human being.
Generally, that means if you want to comfort someone, it helps to do it their way, not yours. For more insight, check out their full video.